dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
