hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
