I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
