so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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