i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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