Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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