I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He better not be in your backpack
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize