I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize