He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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