About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
