where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
