Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
