this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize