I'm sorry my penis didn't work
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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