I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
