You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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