We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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