suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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