I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
