Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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