The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
