Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
