remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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