I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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