Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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