the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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