Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
did you just send me my own nude
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
