Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
