I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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