Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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