You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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