i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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