where am i from again
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
