Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
