the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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