The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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