I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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