I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
