I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
