I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
