If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
