No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
