walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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