When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
