i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
