Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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