Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
