Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
