they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize