This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
