It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
