I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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