just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
