at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
