Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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