evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
