Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
