I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
