She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
