..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
