I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
No stitches, just platelets and will power
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize