I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
