Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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