he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
