a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
