dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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