Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
